Why does a man who is sexually abused by a man - who had no proclivities prior - become a homosexual thinker?
Why does a girl - who has no previous characteristics of being loose with her body - begin to act out sexually once abused sexually?
Why does the idea of suicide immediate become an alternative after it is proposed?
There might be times where you feel like you’ve hit a brick wall. Perhaps everything you’re doing to try to be more successful just isn’t working. So you might be scratching your head thinking, “WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?”
By DrStem, Psychotherapist, Author & Show Host
We all like to think that we are in control of our destiny – if we just work hard enough and have clear goals, then we will fulfill our dreams. But maybe things aren’t going as smoothly as you had hoped. In fact, there might be times where you feel like you’ve hit a brick wall. Perhaps everything you’re doing to try to be more successful just isn’t working. So you might be scratching your head thinking,
“WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?”
Don’t worry. You’re probably not doing anything wrong. You just need to dig deeper. We all have blocks to success that aren’t obvious at all. Our discussion today will focus on five ways you can uncover and remove these hidden blocks on the road to YOUR success.
Childhood abuse or abuse at any age – together with any kind of trauma can cause mental blocks that can prevent one from living their life. Without objective awareness of our emotions and motivations we can never enjoy the freedom of choice that let’s us get what we really want from life. Unfortunately, we set up many mental blocks for ourselves that keep us from achieving this kind of self knowledge.
My guest in this show, Christine Mauriello has been through it all, mental blocks stemming from sexual violation at ages 7 and 17, years of struggle with PTSD and PNES, and now an independent woman who has found herself and her way to Freedom of Choice and living. She says “ I aspire to publish many books, to be a presenter on Ted Talks, teach scripture and history to those desiring to be disciples, learn how to receive love without fear, have a radio talk show, travel with my person brand of hope and deliverance, soup kitchen for the hurting, hungry and lost, and record a dvd instructional on self-healing from ptsd.”
Perhaps by understanding some of the obstacles, we can more easily overcome them, especially when you hear it from someone who has been through so much and can now talk about her trauma and recovery to help others.
I have to be real and authentic - otherwise what benefit would you have in listening. I had a rough morning this morning with discouraging thoughts. I had to combat them with, not positive catchy lingo and jargon but with facts, tools, and encouragement. Did I want to? No... my instinctual response was to comfort myself, not with truth but with food and avoidance. It was uncomfortable. I fought it hard because the struggle was real. I began by writing out exactly what I wanted to do (format for me was like talking to God) - and the struggle I was having was a desire to avoid Him. Can you relate? Do you avoid the very people who encourage you to mend/heal because somewhere deep down there is a comfort in feeling crumby? Maybe a lie-based belief that you deserve it because you are crumby?
There are some days when I have a hard time getting going because I missed some sleep, or had a rough sleep. There are some days that are difficult because the sky is pouring and is clothed in gray! And then there are some days that are rough because a belief (which is lie-based and yoked in my thought processes) surface and that lie-based belief makes you feel yucky. What do I mean by lie-based belief? Have you ever questioned yourself about the dozens of opinions you have of yourself - how many are true and how many are lies? Do you hold an negative opinion of your self-worth? Value? Purpose? Where did they come from, and are they true? Beliefs result in either value (+) or devalue (-), and regardless of where we are in our journey we absolutely have (+) value, and everything we experience can have (+) value and (+) purpose if we allow it to transform us for good. If we choose to reject old lie-based ideas, test all our theories, and question the validity of just about everything we have put our thoughts, energy, and belief in - the fruit of that labor is priceless.
Tony Robbins said, "It is not the events of our lives that shapes us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean".
My truth: I once held lie-based beliefs that bad things happened to me because I had no value or worth - that I was cosmically rejected and valued as worthless. Have you ever felt that way? Question that, and don't allow those beliefs to dictate where your going in your life anymore. If you recognize your own lie-based beliefs, like the one I just shared, and are committing to rejecting them - make a declaration against them. "I denounce the lie that I am worthless and without value." You can choose what you put your belief in and boldly declare that too: "I have limitless potential and will be evaluated not on what I have done - and definitely not on what has been done against me, but the value of my legacy will be created from this point forward by how I live my life and the kind of fruit my life produces in those I have the honor of influencing and impacting from now until I die." The past is dead - long live the fruit!!
*photo by Ali Syaaban
"Many experts in the area of trauma treatment believe that when overwhelmed by something traumatic or deeply distressing, the emotional “charge” or memory from that event becomes stored or trapped in our body. We’re often unaware that this has even occurred, but our brain is altered as a result. It can cause problems on all levels – emotionally, mentally and physically."
Whether it be addiction (to love, sex, work, drugs or alcohol), PNES/NES, or other changes to the original map of our brains - trauma has an effect - AND, it is reversible.
I love talking to people who are currently experiencing a chemical imbalance, and additionally a physical manifestation such as PNES or addiction, BECAUSE it gives me an opportunity to share my hope. First and foremost, chemical imbalance is a clinical term and it is the natural response to seeing a fearful object - it's not a word to describe a person who is "crazy". Our brain is a large chemistry set that is altered and affected by the circumstances we are in, our thought life, and our past traumas and events. Example: if you had a bad experience with a dog and that experience is unresolved, your brain will respond to seeing a similar dog with increased cortisol (stress hormone). Pretty basic. Think about anything you have not resolved in your past - a break-up, loss of parent, loss of pet, war, a brutal attack - these can create patterns of responding to perceived fearful stimulants and triggers (ie. emotion provokers). Emotion provokers affect our brain chemistry and therefore how we physically feel or react - it is part of our flight or flight auto-response system which is intended to help us survive.
Unresolved patterns and traumatic events from our past keep up reliving that trauma until the build up is too great and we crash, have a seizure, or worse. Here's where the hope and help come in... the key phrase is "if it is unresolved". You may be asking, "well how do you resolve it?" Glad you asked!
Ask yourself what beliefs were created as a result of your specific event. Is it a true belief? More often than not we aren't balanced in our responses. If we have a break-up we may say something like, "no one will ever love me". Is that true or does it just feel true? That is an important distinction! If someone we love dies we may respond with something like "there will never be anyone who understands me like they did" (often said after a parent dies). Again, is that true or does it just feel true? If you realize that you do currently steal your own joy and hope in how you respond to situations, there is hope in getting it back. How? Be intentional in how you respond to situations.
Now I don't want anyone to think this is an easy task - it is easier than continuing to kill your own joy - but it certainly takes work.
Step 1. Determine your goal and outcome.
Step 2. Enlist people you trust to join you on your journey (be aware that this may be a learning process of who you can truly trust). If you don't have a circle to choose from hire a wellness coach (like myself).
Step 3. Establish your how? Example: learn the art of pausing before your respond (either emotionally or conversationally). The word "learn" is a verb - an action word, so do some reading, watching, whatever will get you what you the support you need. Another example: listen to the words you use in an attempt to correct dramatic emphasis such as, "I'll never have, be, whatever..."
Step 4: Live with intention and become the real new you. Metamorphose! :-)
** Repeat as often as your awareness brings problem areas to the surface and into the light.
Christine Mauriello's core strengths include motivational speaking, teaching, relational skills’ training, coaching, and compassionate care to meet the recovery goals for those with PTSD, addiction, trauma, divorce, and other setbacks.